Archive for March, 2011

Another Struggle Documented

Posted: March 18, 2011 by BrandonConley in BrandonC

It would seem that I’ve executed another flawless social faux pas

By denying myself the right to a sudden change of scenery.

By becoming an accessory to my own murder.

By accompanying my ghosts as they carry me away.

I am a slave to my indifference.

A casualty of an endless subliminal war to which I’ve lost everything.

I have been paralyzed by my arbitrary fear of failure…

My insatiable need for intellectual superiority has left me without life or limb.

Singing a beautiful song of perpetual sorrow.

I have produce many lines…many words that accentuate my ill-fated story.

These words were never justified by a single shred of irrefutable evidence against my own treason.

I suppose my outcry may seem like a ploy for fame…

But instead I have fallen into the impermeable darkness of infamy.

Is everything irrelevant?

Maybe.

But what criteria do I have to judge coherency?

When it seems that I have lost the last bit of sanity I had managed to retain throughout my youth.

I have never claimed to be innocent,

That would be dishonesty and nothing more.

However, I do feel that my plea for subtle transition

Is not one of pretentiousness, but purely of a sincere desire for something better.

Something beautiful.

Something more than simply existing, searching for a place in which to die.

Advertisements

Rain, Rain…

Posted: March 18, 2011 by BrandonConley in BrandonC

This is all you get…

Brief glimpses into the chaotic rhythm of my thoughts.

I’ll give you that.

Let you have it free of charge.

Because it’s easy for me.

It’s easy to write…

To type these words.

To display these emotions in a control group fashion.

Just like it’s easy for you to be lonely.

To be tired.

It’s easy because it’s comforting.

Because you love it.

And I’m still talking.

Little glimpses.

That’s all you get.

They’re free because no one wants them.

Little.

(Do you see the rain?

It’s nailing down the old coffin, board by board.

When will they realize it’s empty?)

Oh death…take these symptoms…

Take these glimpses.

They’re free because they’re…

They’re free because no one

Because no one cares.

(Do you see the rain?

We hummed along with it when we built sadness

We built sadness so the Valium junkies would have an excuse.

Do you see that coffin?

Don’t they know it’s full of shit?)

I Suppose I’ve Fallen Ill

Posted: March 18, 2011 by BrandonConley in BrandonC

I soak in the light of day…

Hold it like a sponge until the light evaporates.

Then like a faulty atmosphere

The light

The warmth

They flee from my porous interior like murderous fiends

Departing the victim of their latest slaughter.

And I bid farewell with no tears,  no second thoughts.

Because this is how life works.

The descent is the worst.

The descent into the pitch-black canyon that I call a heart.

It pumps not blood, but dust throughout my body.

Every vein.

Every organ.

As I lie

Cold and emotionless

In my deathbed,

I dare to ponder the things of my past.

The memories.

The feelings long since forgotten.

I feel as if every one of them is a shovelful of dirt upon my casket.

My tomb.

Lay me to rest.

Without worry

Without the constant bondage of this impermeable sadness.

This endless sickness will be the death of me.

And if I have my wish

It will take me sooner rather than later.

A Subtle Indignity

Posted: March 18, 2011 by BrandonConley in BethanyC

I watch you weep from across the room.
Counting the tears as they tumble, one by one, down your cheek.
Good tear, bad tear.
Tears are simply catalysts for memories.
Bad memories bring you to tears
And good memories keep them flowing.
Good tear, bad tear.
They’re all gathering upon the fabric below, as if congregating for some communal offering.
And I can’t help but wonder about their intentions…

We martyrs, we struggle through life.
Sluggishly executing that which is thought to be irrelevant.
Formulating theories and equations…attempts to justify our existence
Through letters and numbers lacking color.
Lacking merit.
Innate behaviors, to us, seem alien.
Futile attempts to survive seem to extort themselves of depth.
But we do not cry.
No good tears or bad tears.
No offerings from the fabric of our shirts.
Maybe we’re wrong.

Our cheeks do not burn with theatrical self-involvement.
Our eyes never redden with the cold ignominy of defeat.
And if we are wrong,
I suppose we’ll keep running. Every step separating us from normalcy.

And if you’re wrong…
I suppose you’ll keep crying.
As if it can mold reality into something more bearable.
A smaller pill; sugar with a spoonful of medicine.

 

Too Late

Posted: March 15, 2011 by lhsadkins in TannerA

Is this how its supposed to be?

Folding myself in half, for Nothing ?

Knowing your not going to be content?

Seems as if I give but dont receive.

You dont care though, do you?

Thinking of something, someway, to make things better.

Telling myself im not giving up

I wish I was lieing.

I wish it was that easy.

I look over it, and forgive on a regular basis.

You dont care though, do you?

 

 

Tell Me Why?

Posted: March 15, 2011 by britnimishelowe in BritniL

They tell me she’s going to die…

I tell them no.

They turn away and leave me to my mother and the beeping sound that drowns out my tears.

They tell me she’s not going to make it…

I tell them their wrong.

They let me hold her cold hand for five more minutes.

(She smiles at me with her misty blue eyes,she’s smiling!)

They tell me I need to let her go…

I scream at them and tell them to leave me be…

But they don’t.

They drag me away from her…

How could they let this happen?

I start to cry,

I can’t take this!

She was all I had…

Why can’t they see that?

I want to trade her places…

I want to be the one gasping for my last breath.

Daddy hides his face in his hands,

He doesn’t want me to see him crying.

He just lost his mammaw and I am making this about me…

But I miss her already.

All I can do is sit back and fall apart.

Days I’ve been here.

Posted: March 15, 2011 by kinser22 in DylanK

I’ve been seat out due to injury before but I promised I’d come back stronger, faster then ever and I’m making it come soon. I’m back now and I’m going to be unbeatable and its going to be here to stay for the next two years so you better get use to me been in your face all plays everyday so get use to it.