I remember… we did everything together.
We finished each-other’s sentences.
We stayed all night together every weekend.
We planned our outfits together every morning.
We played hide and seek, even though we knew we were too old.
We were destined to be best friends.
We were best friends in the womb.
We were there for each other no matter what.
We could tell one another anything.
I had your back, and you had mine.
I never thought you’d move so far away from me.
I miss you.
I came to win,
To fight
To conquer
To thrive
I came to win
To survive
To prosper
To rise
To fly.
I came to fly.
The sound of his voice echoed in the silence. Haunting, like his touch. The harmony of his voice was a lot like his kiss; venomous and mesmerizing. He left me paralyzed. My intoxicated adoration for the feel of his fingertips was too much for my inexperienced self to handle. He was drawing me in; chasing away any notion of innocence left with his fingertips. It was as if he sucked the soul right out of me. I was addicted to the desire I felt for him; my own personal drug. His caressing touch was lethal; his kiss stained every part of me it touched. As this feeling slowly came to an end, I had realized what I had done. I had lost every ounce of youth that had once inhabited me.
“5 minutes to stage” is a phrase that terrifies me.
Hairspray, makeup, and costume check,
It’s showtime.
The sound from the audience hurts my stomach.
The tapping I hear,
from my pointe shoes against the floor,
matches my heartbeat.
I hide in the depths of the curtain,
awaiting my performance to begin.
All I can smell is hairspray, perfume, and sweat.
The smell is terrible on my already upset stomach.
I start to feel nervous, but then I think;
I’m here to do what I love… ballet.
As the curtains open and I enter onto the stage,
I see the blinding lights.
I hear the crowd cheering; it’s fuel to my fire.
The music begins and the crowd silences.
As my feet move and I sway with the music,
It’s as if another person comes alive in me.
Once again, I’ve found myself missing you; missing what we could have had. You were right, I do look at you everyday and think “what if.” I need you here, more than I ever thought possible. I guess this means you win. I’m not strong enough to go around acting like nothing is wrong, when in reality it is. My feelings for you aren’t any different now, nor will they change any time soon. I guess this is life, and this is where I need to learn how to cope with things. I want you to know that I’m so sorry for everything, and it was truley a blessing to know you. The pain is intense now, but it will all get better in time. I’m guessing this is how life works.
PenTherapy 