i am alone.
although there are plenty around me,
i am isolation prone.
i find myself always solo in an alley.
i have lost everyone i once cared for,
and i am now alone.
i carry a ton of baggage;
its unfortunate that i am now grown.
i am alone.
i dont know what to do,
and it leaves me feeling blue.
It all started the moment I closed the door. I had enough time to go to my room and sit down on my bed. As soon as my bottom hit my bed my mother came running in screaming , crying , and freaking out. She was trying to tell me something , but she couldn’t catch her breath long enough to get it out. So I sat her down on my bed and told her to catch her breath and then tell me. Once she calmed down and caught her breath she told me that my father had been majorly hurt today at work. I instantly asked about my brother because he works with him. My mother said that he was okay , and he was with my dad at the hospital with my father.
She asked me if I wanted to go see him now or later. I really didn’t want to go at all because I didn’t want to see him like that. I was strong though and said now. Once we got there I started getting more and more nervous. When we got to the room the door was closed. My mom looked at me and asked me if I could handle this , but I wasn’t handling this very well inside. I put away my fear and nerves and said yes. She opened the door and walked in the room. I waited a few minutes to build up my nerves. After I was okay I opened the door to walk inside. Once I got far enough to see him I instantly fell to my knees and started balling and crying. He looked horrible. His face was cut and bruised. His right leg and left arm was broken. He was hooked up to every machine the hospital had. I tried to get up and be strong for him , but when I saw him all the strength I built up left me. My mother came over and helped me up , and told me everything would be okay. Once I was okay I walked over to him and began to talk to him. While I was talking to him telling him how much I loved him he started to cry. It made me start to cry also. He looked at me and stared saying “ I love you so much and I hope you know that. I’ll be okay I am strong. So are you and never forget that.”
Once he told me that I broke down and couldn’t control it. I walked over to the chair by the window and sat down to try and calm down. My mother came over and said that we were going go so that I could shower and get ready for school tomorrow. So I went over to my father and kissed him on the head and told him that I loved him and told him that I would come back tomorrow and I would be a lot stronger then. He looked at me with the saddest face. It made me start to cry more and worse. So I hugged him and kissed his forehead and said I have to go , but I promise I’ll come back tomorrow and see you. He looked at me and told me that the doctors told him that he might not make it over night. It broke my heart I grabbed my mom and started balling and crying. I couldn’t believe it was me that all this was happening to.
So my mom walked me out to the car and told me that she would be right back. She walked away and went into the building. As soon as she got far enough to where I couldn’t see her I started digging for something to take the pain away. I found nothing. When she came back out she had my brother and they were both crying. They got in the car and acted like they were okay. The whole car ride home was nothing but sobbing. Once we got home we all went our separate ways. The next day I got up for school and called the hospital to talk to my dad. The nurse answered and I asked for my dad. Once he got the phone he said “ Hey baby.” We talked for a while and then it was time for me to leave and catch the bus. So I told him bye and that my mother was picking me up from school to go see him and he said that was ok. Well after school was over I went outside to find my mother , but she wasn’t there yet. She’s never late when she picks me up from school. So I sat on the bench and waited. When she pulled up she said sorry I’m late I have thing at work I had to finish. We stopped and got something to eat and then went straight to the hospital.
When we got there We went up to the room and waited outside while the nurses fixed him up. When they let us in I walked over and said “Hey daddy how you feeling.” He just looked at me and he looked so weak like he just wanted to give up. He said “Hey baby , I love you so much and I’ll always be watching over you. “ I looked at him with a really weird face and then he asked for my mother. She walked over and he told her that he loved her and to never forget that. He grabbed both of our hands and kissed them and then his hands dropped and the monitor started beeping. When I looked up his heart had stopped and my father was no longer with us. I started screaming , punching walls and going crazy. I was screaming at the doctors blaming them and with one pinch I woke up and that was all a dream.
I remember the excitement in my eyes
as I ran back and forth waiting for mom to pick me up.
I remember their eyes full of pity
which at that time I couldn’t decipher.
I remember the cold silence in the car ride home
not even a single word spoken.
I remember the awkwardness as I kept questioning my mother
I remember going on with, “How is she?” and “How long can I stay?”
I remember her not having any answers for any of my questions.
I remember the first tear that rolled down my mothers cheek,
The one that I walked over and gently rubbed her face to ask what was wrong.
I remember watching her lips tremble
as she began to tell me that mawmaw wasn’t in pain anymore.
I remember feeling confused,
because wasn’t that a good thing?
I remember the moment that everything clicked,
The moment I fell apart.
I remember the pain of someone reaching in my chest,
grabbing my heart,
and tearing it straight down the middle.
I remember the tears that rolled down my face as if it was just yesterday
The tears that still occasionally fall
I remember her as if she were still here
Because she is here
Watching over me from heaven.
to pass the time away,
a clock strikes.
staring at the rigid ceiling,
a clock strikes.
Sending mixed signals to your brain.
to pass the time away,
a clock ticks.
watch the snow flow
a clock ticks.
Listen to what your heart says, they all say.
How do I do this?
How do I do that?
What can I do?
What can you do?
to pass the time away,
you have to think
breathe
think
breathe
think
It isn’t complicated, no.
It’s just to pass the time away.
Our eyes shut tight,
in the forever dark night.
As your lips embraced mine,
I felt time stop.
A feeling a weightlessness fell over my heart,
like a wave crashing into me.
I knew deep down that I loved you,
with everything in my soul.
Little did I know you felt the same,
you were the first to say those three precious words.
Like a prayer…you whispered them in my ear,
you smiled like a fool when I whispered them back.
Now it feels like saying it once a day just isn’t enough,
you say it everyday, every hour and smile just like the first time I said it.
There’s no way to hide that I am…
undeniably,
head-over-heels,
In love,
with,
you…
Dreams are not what just we think of,
dreams are way more than that.
Dreams are something that gives us the passion and will to achieve what we can.
I don’t know what my future holds but i know who holds it.
Never ever doubt yourself in anything you do. If you have dreams,
then go get them !
Anger fluttered.
When anger arises, where does it come from?
Does it flow like a river?
Or does it rise like the sea?
Does it fall like rain?
Or does it explode, like fireworks in the sky on a hot summers night?
When I was young in the restaurant mom was always on the grill frying burgers and dressing buns with bright yellow mustard stains on her shirt.
When I was young in the restaurant I remember the milk man coming in every Friday with a black crate of strawberry milk.
And during the night we had to mop the floors until they sparkled, wipe the crumbs off the tables, then wash the dishes, until everything was spotless.
We forgot about the dishes once and bubbles went everywhere. I told myself I would never do the dishes again. I’ve stood by that.
When I was young in the restaurant I made money just by socializing and stealing customer’s food. Though this was okay because they weren’t complete strangers.
When I was young in the restaurant I remember my mawmaw telling me stories and cracking jokes to make me laugh.
Now she is gone, and with her she took my love for the restaurant; however, in this restaurant holds many memories that I can cherish.
Shifting, we fall apart,
moving in sync.
Gazing upon broken hearts,
melted into one.
Separated in a close room,
falling to each other.
AS the blackened skies grow darker,
still seeming to exist in
the absolute nothing.
the void of emotion.
the ending of a forever love.
Waiting —
Sitting —
Watching —
Staring from the corner.
It sits alone, not to be bothered
purposely, that is.
It sits waiting like a predator
about to attack it’s prey.
It sits, watching me
happy as can be.
Until it can strike.
Oh, what a terrible thing!
what a terrible thing!
Except this creature —
this monster —
this thing —
it sits and waits,
residing in me.
There’s a place withing me that journeys through novels
Shifting through genres like gears in a car
Inside this place within me…
I feel Free.
Like no one else is around
There’s this place within me that I can forget about the real world,
and jump out of reality.
The place I can be Myself.
Despair reigns over the humanly body,
placed delicately over the raging fire —
broken, bruised, and beaten —
streaks of light break.
A winter morn has begun.
As death approaches,
chanting wind switches show in the air.
Through a peaceful sky,
horror strikes —
leaving winter to be the cause of the first light.
I remember holding your hand while crossing the road. I remember everything we done and places we went. You left us without a warning or a goodbye. We excepted that in our lives. You are forever missed.
I asked you for forgiveness,
But you gave me none.
I told you I was sorry,
For more than just one.
Though you tell me it’s alright,
But you’re still trying to fight.
I want the old us,
The laughing…
The smiling…
And occasionally crying.
I asked for forgiveness;
Still waiting for none.
I am sorry and broken
I wonder what the message says
I hear voices in my head
I see brightness ahead
I crave one more chance
I am sorry and broken.
I pretend I don’t care
I feel the butterflies in my belly.
I touch the inside of your heart
I worry I’ve lost you forever
I cry for your forgiveness
I am sorry and broken.
I understand I did wrong
I say there’s always second chances
I dream of the future
I try to make you understand
I hope you can forgive me
I am sorry and broken.
PenTherapy 