Archive for the ‘BritniL’ Category

Tell Me Why?

Posted: March 15, 2011 by britnimishelowe in BritniL

They tell me she’s going to die…

I tell them no.

They turn away and leave me to my mother and the beeping sound that drowns out my tears.

They tell me she’s not going to make it…

I tell them their wrong.

They let me hold her cold hand for five more minutes.

(She smiles at me with her misty blue eyes,she’s smiling!)

They tell me I need to let her go…

I scream at them and tell them to leave me be…

But they don’t.

They drag me away from her…

How could they let this happen?

I start to cry,

I can’t take this!

She was all I had…

Why can’t they see that?

I want to trade her places…

I want to be the one gasping for my last breath.

Daddy hides his face in his hands,

He doesn’t want me to see him crying.

He just lost his mammaw and I am making this about me…

But I miss her already.

All I can do is sit back and fall apart.

Daddy’s Hands

Posted: March 15, 2011 by britnimishelowe in BritniL

There’s oil stains that slide in the cracks of Daddy’s hands

black smudges that no matter how many times he washes them-it will not come off.

The cracks are dry causing him to rub them together in pain-but he dares to complain.

But ther”s also something different

Something soft in those stained-cracked hands.

The way they feel like satin on a warm day against your cold wet cheek.

So light and smooth.

There’s something warm about them…

While taking mom’s fragile hands in his.

The way he holds onto her,

the way he’s so careful with her as if she might break.

Daddy’s hands go deep, if you take a second to study them you would understand…

There’s a strong,loving man…

Behind Daddy’s hands.

Confusion.

Posted: March 15, 2011 by britnimishelowe in BritniL

With this kiss of fire I thee wed

My heart is aching-destroyed

Wrenching,it has bled

I understand not,the making of the sun

And to tell you the truth,

I feel I’ve won.

What is the prize for conquering death?

You tell me to speak-but steal my breath?

So here I stand

Broken and Alone

You hold my heart

Kicking it to make it restart.

An abandoned child

M life has been taken.

Oh my dear love,

my soul you’ve shaken.

With this kiss of fire I thee wed

With this paper of eternal damnation

I take you completely.

I take you as my own.

With this kiss of fire I thee wed.


Happily Dreaming of After

Posted: March 15, 2011 by britnimishelowe in BritniL

Mom use to hold me

her eyes filled with amusement.

Beauty an the Beast laying on my lap,

as she’d change Belle’s name to mine.

I adored her,

falling asleep in her arms.

Time goes by fast

like a flame touching a dry piece of paper.

Life changes

before your uwilling eyes

and no matter how many times yo pray to go back

-it doesn’t work.

It can not.

Never did I think that she would fall

never did I want to see her cry.

But I did, she did.

Mom use to hold me

it’s funny how we’ve switched positions

Funny in a sad way

No humor in it at all.

Just hurt.

Pain.

Sadness.

My eyes are sore from crying

she tells me to hold onto mychildhood

I don’t think I want to.

I just want to find a cure

and with her hand run away

from life

into the unknown where she doesn’t hurt.

Where she can laugh without holding er side.

where she can smile with happy tears

spilling from her eyes.

Where she is holding me

blue eyes radiating with love

whispering,

“and they lived happily ever after, goodnight my angel.”

Where she is safe…

Hatred

Posted: March 8, 2011 by britnimishelowe in BritniL

Hate is the feeling you get when looking into someone’s deep brown eyes

Wanting to do nothing more than leave them

To watch them fall

To watch them cry…

-But something keeps you standing there looking into his eyes searching for a soul.

Hate is the burning feel you get when hearing his voice

The butterflies being torched

Being destroyed

You feel as they catch fire.

Hate is that long silence on the other end of the phone

That long pause after the word ‘love’

That desperation you feel after his voice lies

Over and Over

Over and Over

But the worst kind of hate is not being able to walk away from him

Hate is when you want to leave him

But you can’t.

The worst kind of hate is love.

Daddy’s Hands

Posted: March 7, 2011 by britnimishelowe in BritniL

There’s oil stains that slide in the cracks of Daddy’s hands

black smudges that no matter how many times he tries to wash them

the stains remain.

The cracks are dry causing him to rub them together in pain-but he never complains.

But there’s something different,

something soft in those cracked hands.

The way they feel on your wet cheeks

like satin on a warm day.

There’s something warm about them

while taking mom’s fragile hands in his.

The way he holds onto her,

the way he’s careful with her

almost as if she might break.

Not many people can understand Daddy’s hands,

the constant rambling and pain.

Not many people get why they spend there time outside,

in the cold

in the heat.

But I do.

I understand.

Mirror Mirror

Posted: December 3, 2010 by britnimishelowe in BritniL

Small child with uncovered bruises,

Waiting on the world to see,

Small child with tear filled eyes,

Why do you look like me?

Young woman with shaking hands,

Screaming for help.

Young woman who can barely stand,

Why do you remind me of when I ran away?

Lady with the blue eyes,

Like an ocean, current going wild.

Lady with a wounded heart,

Why do I feel we can’t depart?

Elderly woman with shattered wings,

Bent down to touch his cheek.

Elderly woman with sad goodbyes,

Why do I feel so weak?

Ice cold glass stands in between us two,

Me staring back at you,

Wrinkles of worry sliding down your cheek,

A tear in your eye,

You feel lost and weak.

We touch the glass,

Both at the same time.

…Elderly woman, You are me!

Has He Forgotten?

Posted: December 2, 2010 by britnimishelowe in BritniL

I close my eyes only to be reminded of him.

I open my eyes only to remember he is gone.

I breathe in only I’m choking on the memories.

What has happened?

What have I done to deserve so much pain?

I’m lost, and aware of it.

With out you I have no home.

So I run away, my life is demolishing before my eyes.

Without you I have no reason to live.

So what am I to do?

I hang my head in sorrow, pitiful lies swelling up inside my heart.

I hold my head up pretending to be something that I am not.

Strong.

I am weak, always have been.

So what am I suppose to do?

I close my eyes and jump.

Hitting rock bottom.

Flames

Posted: December 1, 2010 by britnimishelowe in BritniL

I’m dead.

You may laugh at that or roll your eyes, but it is true.

I’m dead.

My every breath comes out in a long choking, gasping, pitiful howl.

A howl of pain and self resort.

Some watch as I walk by them, staring at me in concern.

Pale flesh tight to the bone, blue eyes with blackness underneath, and thin hair mid back.

I am the walking dead, and with fear they search for a place to hide.

No-one knows what I am going through, they only think of me as a sick creature.

I am no creature, but a person.

Why can’t they see?

That in order to live I must live throughout He.

I turned my back on Him, and believed not.

I became what they call possessed, forced to slither on my back, tonuge outstretched, a hiss forming behind my teeth.

I was a non believer, I am a non believer.

How can such a great man force me to live this way?

I don’t know who I am.

I want to believe, but with these bending bones, I can not.

The stars are not stars but fire slowly burning out.

Every wish I have ever made was on an airplane or a satellite.

Our plants died, dad was out of work, mom got cancer, my aunt died.

And yet you expect me to believe.

That a man so great has given me death, and a creature forced to be.

But I look beyond the hate I feel for the man.

I look beyond all the bad I have received, the dead child that was consumed, and I look up at the flowers that has yet to bloom.

A believer?

I’m not.

But to believe?

I do.

Dreamers

Posted: December 1, 2010 by britnimishelowe in BritniL

No-one knows who I am, my name is a given.

I don’t even know who I am besides a few words that come to my mind.

I am an author and a teacher.

My words are soon to be famous and I will live throughout the very next book you hold in your hands.

Now can you see, a dreamer I am.

A dreamer I want to be.

One day you may laugh at this, and think of all the thoughts that are now crossing your mind.

You’ll laugh at thinking that I couldn’t succeed.

Because I will succeed.

My words will be a rainbow before your eyes, taking you on a journey you have not yet overcome.

You will become a different person, your body will be transformed into something you have never thought of being.

I am a dreamer, and that is what I want to be.

Right now you are thinking that I am a pitiful child dreaming of something that is never to exist.

But I’m letting you have one out of the three, Right now I am a dreamer.

But mark my words I will overcome everything I said I would.

I will be a teacher, and I am an author in the making.

But I will always be a dreamer, and I always will be.

We Reunite

Posted: December 1, 2010 by britnimishelowe in BritniL

I don’t need you in order to breathe, I have my own lungs.

I don’t need you in order for me to go on living, it’s a logical fact.

I don’t need you to make my day any brighter, that’s all up to the sun.

So to come to a conclusion, I don’t need you.

You were never the center of my universe, although I once claimed you were.

How stupid could I have been to include you in everything I had done?

I gave you the power to destroy me, and that is exactly what you did.

I watched as my heart went up in flames and you devoured my soul.

But I am claiming it again.

It’s mine, I’m stealing it back!

I don’t need some selfish critic to wrap me in his arms and whisper lies into my willing ears.

I don’t need you!

So hand over the invisible key and turn away, because what’s gone is gone.

I don’t want you anymore.

The moon is the center of my universe.

It listens to my secrets and keeps them away from everyone else.

It stares down at me with a smile and glow, not wanting anything but my happiness.

I have no wishes that need to be fulfilled anymore.

The moon has taken all my pain away.

So I stand here today, my face turned to you.

My knees want to give out, but I wont le them.

You control me no more.

So hand over the key and let us reunite in sorrow as I walk away.

Lost

Posted: December 1, 2010 by britnimishelowe in BritniL

I can see the burning of the stars as they gently fall to the ground,

Leaving a pink dusty feel to the air.

I can hear as the wind welcomes me,

Telling me it is alright for me to go home.

I can taste the chill of the rain  as it slides from my cheek onto my tounge,

Demolishing all the bad.

I can remember each tiny feature about you,

Why can I not forget?

You left me to die,

To gasp for air and feel the pain.

But I conquered the pain, I demolished death, I survived.

You have nothing on me any more,

You do not control me.

I lost you a long time ago,

No, correction, I lost you a long time ago.

But the pain was over,

Is over, I think.

But the nightmares that take place at night,

Warns me that all is not okay,

Something is wrong,

I remember that day.

Could I be lost,

Within that day?

One Time

Posted: December 1, 2010 by britnimishelowe in BritniL

Tonight we fall, with broken hearts.

The sound of a heart beat haunting you,

The tick of the clock following you where ever you are to go.

Tonight we fall, with frozen tears.

The feel of pain, reminding you of whomever it was,

Who broke your heart and left you to die.

Tonight we fall, as wounded soldiers,

A broken soul decapitated,

Lost with no self control.

Tonight we fall, in memory of a loved one.

The memories coming back to haunt you,

To devour you,

To make you resent life.

A loved one who left you so broken,

That if death was to come,

You’d open your arms freely,

And wait for the pain to be at ease.

Tonight we fall, in the fire.

The fire that raises to capture all who enters.

The place where all are so frightened to enter,

All because of the burn.

But it doesn’t burn,

Not anything compared to the horrid throbbing pain,

From the knife that was easily jabbed into your chest,

From that loved one trying to strike your heart,

But hitting a vein.

The pain from a broken heart lingers,

But the heat of the fire will take it away.

Tonight we fall, in eternal damnation.

Raining Fear

Posted: November 30, 2010 by britnimishelowe in BritniL, Uncategorized

Tear drops falling all around, no one there to hear the sound

Desperate matters calls for crying,why cant he see that I’m dying?

Lonley nights and broken mornings, shattered hearts and wounded glory.

Hated life, regretted breaths, why cant he see he’s taking each step?

Hearts are shattered where I walk, lips are moving but I cant hear them talk.

Mirrors surround my ground, showing the world I’m falling to pieces with no sound.

I can see time pass me by, like an eagle just realizing he can fly.

Holding onto broken dreams, falling apart within the seams.

Desperate matters calls for crying.

Why cant he see that I’m dying?

Lost like a lion in water, trying to survive and find air.

Praying for the strength to runaway, why is his life fading to grey?

His roar not as strong as before, his paws are weak sinking to the ocean floor.

His heart stopping within each beat,why is it deaths doors he must meet?

Beaten like a child, bruised and withered with those memories.

Like blood, has stained his story’s page.

Trying to find a place she can go.

No one wants her, that’s all she knows.

She tries to hide all her tears, knowing deep inside death haunts her fears.

So she locks herself up, away from the world.

People are only there to hurt her, they keep her terrified.

Like her father keeps her scared.

Helpless like a mother, who never had the chance.

Forced to breathe, while the master makes her dance.

Screaming

Posted: November 30, 2010 by britnimishelowe in BritniL, Uncategorized

Blood, on the side of the fridge, hand prints on the window. A bullet is lying on the floor, theres broken glass on the tables, and a shaddow on the door. A knife lies on the bartop(recently used), beer bottles clutter the couch, along with the smell of death. Rust stain on the sink, scum around the faucet. In the bedroom lies a box, filled with notes named and dated, witholding the secrets of a childs broken dreams? A doll lies on the corner of the bed, the right arm ripped off, one eye…missing? The sheets are tattered, the walls cracked, and a window is darkened in the day. Shower curtains only halfway down, and covered in what looks like blood? The walls of the tub has turned to brown, the wooden floors…rotted. What once was blue wallpaper was now faded within the years. In the corner of the room is a lighter, and that side of the wall..burned. The smell of smoke was no longer noticeable, but the pain of the past lingered. The ceiling was white covered with cob-webs, the air stiff and uncomfortable. You could hear the air moving through the house, or was it a small girl’s cry? Abandoned…thats how I feel, in this house of misery. Where your mother takes a sip of wine, looks down smiling at you and mutters, “this is home.” As a ghost in this house of memories, haunted as it shall be, in the dead of the night you will hear a cry. My torturing soul screaming, “Why?”