Pounding chest
Starry eyes
The fear inside eating away
At every shred of humanity
And every once of will
Fear is the plague
That feeds and grows
Fear is the consumer of all
The eater of peace
The eater of worlds
Fear is always there
It lurks and waits
And strikes down the weak and fearful
Fear is the thought that eats away
At everything and all
Fear is a disease
Fear is a threat
Fear is Fear
I don’t like change
I want everything to stay
The way it was
How perfect it was
The more memories you have
The harder it is to let go
The urge to pause that moment in time
To savor the last possible moment of sanity
Before it turns into chaos.
I don’t want to grow up
I don’t want to leave
I want to rewind into the past
When I knew nothing of the outside world
When I was still a curious kid
Climbing up doorways
Thinking Nickelodeon was thought-provoking television.
I know I can’t stop the inevitable
I have to face it soon
And I’m not ready.
In the icy winter
When the sky is engulfed in black
And the eery white is all you see
A cold desolate wasteland
Of endless white
Among the winter desert
On the highest icy ledge
Is a tree
A single solidary tree
The story this tree holds
Is unknown
And unable to read
Those who gathered at the tree
For refuge
Along this white vastness
Or a reminder that beauty exists
Even in the most barren of places.
If only the world could see you
How I see you.
A boulder left inbudged
By even the most earth shattering events.
Hidden away and protected
Where no evil can hope to find you.
This veil that covers
Your true self
Unbroken,
Unable to be pierced.
You are the rock of inspiration
For everyone and everything
You cannot be broken.
Point of view from Tom Grant
April 5, 1994,
Kurt Cobain died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound
Or at least that’s what the officials say.
The scene I investigated was not a suicide,
It was murder.
Nothing adds up to suicide
The shotgun used, the angle of the wound,
The chemicals found in his body
He would’ve been unable to shoot any kind of gun
Or weapon.
But for right now
Let’s just remember him
The legend he was
And the impact he could’ve made
If he lasted just a few more years.
I will spend the rest of my life
To bring justice to Kurt Cobain
And bring closure to all of his fans.
*Tom Grant was a Private Investigator hired by Courtney Love to find Kurt after he checked out of rehab days before his death.
*Grant has since followed the Kurt Cobain Murder Theory and has published several books and other works about it.
March 4, 1994
Point of view from Courtney Love
Kurt’s in the hospital right now
In a coma
He overdosed on painkillers and champagne last night.
What an idiot!
So now we’re stuck here in Rome
On Nirvana’s European tour
But the rest is going to have to be canceled.
This may have been an accident
But I think he deserves it.
Maybe he’ll get a nice lesson out of this.
Probably not,
Kurt isn’t smart enough to figure that out.
All of this is so sudden
The fans, the cheers
I never expected any of this.
We shouldn’t be the biggest band in the world right now
That isn’t us.
We just released our third album
and planning a European Tour.
Europe.
That’s out of the country.
We even have an acoustic gig with MTV
Later in the year.
How I even agreed to that,
I have no idea.
I love playing music
And writing music
It’s my life
But this fame is almost too much.
February 24, 1992
Point of view from news reporter
Rock sing Kurt Cobain
Was married to fellow musician Courtney Love
On this February day on Wakiki Beach in Hawaii.
The wedding was attended by friends and family of the couple
But many fans watched the celebration from afar.
Kurt Cobain ser a new fashion trend
By wearing green pajamas
To his own wedding.
Talk about fancy attire!
Courtney is expacting
The couple’s first child
That is due later this year.
*Kurt and Courtney first met at Satyricon Nightclub in Portland, Oregon, January 12, 1990.
*Frances Bean Cobain was born August 18, 1992.
We’re shooting a video today
We’ve got this fake gym
With cameras seemingly everywhere you go
And there’s at least a hundred people
I don’t even know
Here as extras.
The guys at the label want to do this
They’re releasing “Smells Like Teen Spirit” as a single.
I think it’ll flop.
The world isn’t ready for us
It’s a five minute song about nonsense
No one wants to hear that.
We’re being forced to do this
Cause we’re under contract.
Let’s just get this over with.
Tobi Vail of Bikini Kill
She’s a wonder isn’t she?
She understands me
And who I am
I get so sick around her
And sometimes the feeling is too much.
It’s like an anuerysm building inside
But it’s a good thing.
Everyone says I’m too obsessed with her
But I don’t think so.
Kathleen Hanna wrote “Kurt Smells Like Teen Spirit”
On my wall.
She said it was about tobi,
But I didn’t understand.
That phrase means something
Something beyond the words.
It’s like an anthem waiting to take shape.
*Kurt dated Tobi Vail after his relationship with Tracy Marander fell apart.
*Teen Spirit is the brand of deodorant that Tobi wore.
*Kathleen Hanna was also a member of Bikini Kill.
Point of view from Tracy Marander
This becoming hard
I do all the work
And he does nothing.
He won’t get a job
He doesn’t even get dressed in the morning.
I love him,
But I can’t do this anymore
I’m tired of being the only one working.
I’m tired of having to steal food for us.
All he does is paint pictures
He paints everything.
He thinks he’s an artist or something
He’s talented, but being talented
Won’t get you anywhere in this world anymore.
He plays guitar too
And is in some kind of band
But whenever he plays around me
He keeps playing the same chords over and over
And mumbles stuff as if trying to write a song
But whatever,
I bet it’s not even about me.
* Kurt dated Tracy Marander for a while and lived with her in her apartment.
* The song “About a Girl” is about Kurt and Tracy’s relationship.
Point of view from Krist Novoselic
I met a dude today while hanging with
The Melvins at their practice space.
His name was Kurt.
Something stood out about him from the rest
Of the guys there.
He was a free spirit
And seemed to have a profound knowledge on the world
But you could tell he had some problems.
Anyway, he was really passionate about the music
I could see.
So I invited him to jam with me sometime
In the upstairs room of my mom’s salon.
He said he’ll bring his guitar
And we’ll play some music.
Probably some Sex Pistols, Ramones, stuff like that I guess.
He seemed like a cool guy
But man, was he out there.
This is where I am now
Kicked out of my home
With nowhere to go
But the muddy banks of Wishkah.
Shielded by only a bridge and a tarp.
All my friends are fish
And this river keeps me company.
There must be something more
Something in the way
Somplace to call home
At least for a little while.
Underneath the bridge
On the banks of the Wishkah River
Is where I am now
Reduced to this
Where nothing is truly mine.
*Kurt dropped out of high school two weeks before graduation and forced to live under a bridge.
Fighting, Screaming
Why are you doing this?
Loud voices and harsh tones fill the room
As the sickly child lays there
Coughing and unable to breathe.
Scareed and frightend
Now crying
“Can’t you think of your son for one minute?”
His mother screamed.
“I am, that’s why I’m taking him away from you!”
His father’s words rung deep in the child’s ears.
Tears fell on his cheeks
But sobs were covered up by incessant coughing.
The child lying helpless in his bed
Need help,
And was ignored.
*Kurt was sick with bronchitis for most of his childhood.
*His parents divorced when he was seven years old.
He’s just a normal person.
Two eyes, two ears, a mouth, and a nose.
All because he is different
They treat him like an animal.
But I see no difference
He is my friend.
Though I am hurt and mistreated the same,
I don’t mind.
People leave me alone for the most part.
Sure, they call me names like “gay” and “homo”
But they don’t interact with me.
They don’t know who I really am,
But I accept the names they call me.
I consider myself gay in spirit
But not in actuality.
They may not like it
But I will give them a reason
To leave me and my friend alone.
*Kurt was bullied for being friends with a homosexual student in school.
*He reportedly spray painted the phrase “god is gay” on the cars of his bullies.
PenTherapy 