PenTherapy

By:Desirae Akers

When I was young on the move in Logan

I remember I never had much friends

I was never in one place long enough to make any.

I remember I never had the chance to ride the bus to school,

I always walked alone on the long narrow bridge

that same bridge I tossed petty rocks into the muck of the water on my way home.

When I was young on the move in Logan

I went to my grandma’s every weekend.

There she would always fix me my favorite dish,

hot noodles with butter and shredded cheese.

Often we had sits on the front porch to watch the rain lash on everything it touched.

Now days I would be lucky to even get to hear her voice.

When I was young on the move in Logan

I was a canvas to my mother.

She used me to make a new picture everyday.

She always dolled me up with her bright eye colors and red lipstick.

I remember the aroma of the perfume she sprayed on me

and the likeness we shared when she was finished.

When I was young on the move in Logan

I always stayed up late with my two older brothers.

We sat on the soft sofa playing their video games,

or watched horror movies that scared me so bad my eyelids were glued open.

I was terrified to sleep alone; afraid of the nightmares that came.

When I was young on the move in Logan

all the things I once loved took a break.

I remember the hard times rather than all the good times.

I learned through those times to ignore and make best with what I had.

That was the childhood I had, the fun I had before all the bad stuff happened.

It seems like it all went too fast, but if I could, I would never go back.

By: Desirae Akers

 Drunken Man

What is going on through his mind as he savors his forbidden drink?

He does it so much I don’t think he ever has time to think.

I know he does it for himself; selfish bitter man.

He doesn’t even realize how it effects me.

He’s to drunk to talk to you without yelling.

He’s to drunk to be serious.

He’s to drunk to even bother spending time with you when you really need him.

He always forgets.

You figure after awhile he’ll just give up and quit, but it’s in him forever.

A drunken man is in him forever.

I just learned to deal with it when he drinks all the time.

I don’t want him to know that he makes me mad.

I tried that once before, but it blew up in my face.

He must use it to  get away from everything, from me, from the family, from work.

I don’t really know.

I’ll never understand why.

Deep down inside though, it always bothers me.

He always bothers me.

The smell of his breath when he gets in my face.

His stupid attitude about everything.

He might as well not even be there.

Because when he’s drunk, he’s never really there.

By: Desirae AKers

You are many.

You are the one

Who makes me want to wear

Something in red.

You are  a hot air balloon

That carries me far away

From all my troubles.

You are that person

Who takes all the pain I feel

And use your healing mind to fix it.

You are the one

Who makes my heart skip a beat

Every time you leave me breathless

I want this feeling to last always

But I wont allow myself to be naïve.

Waiting and hoping is my best bet.

You are the one person in my life

That is able to lift me off my feet.

You are my never ending jump

From a trampoline, allowing me

To be carried away from all

The butterflies you have caged

In my stomach.

My excitement and smile never ends.

You are the big part of why I see

Deeper than four oceans

Rather the dwelling on the surface.

You are the best

Change in me

And no matter what road we

Choose to walk on .

You’ll always have a

Red rose for remembrance

In my heart.

By:Desirae Akers

Spring time 4:00 pm

evening is

bright sky

warm day

new life

grow and blossom

right away

green grass

soft between toes

                inside

empty house

                no voices heard

and outside on

the spring day

the screams are followed

with your play

the yellow flowers everywhere

smelling sweet

sway to the wind

birds in their nest sing

on trees

covering mountain tops

By:Desirae Akers

Peace to you wonderful lake

peace to all that makes you great

peace to all that surrounds you

A blessing on the flowers

Tall, small and,  sweet scented

that cover over the land with their perfect textures.

A blessing to the trees

 that give the perfect shade of comfort

and hang just enough over the lake.

A blessing to the dirt road

walked on many days

by those who do a lot of thinking.

A blessing to the fish

that give us that excitement when they jump

out of calm waters, when it’s quite

A blessing on everything

to the small birds that sing us songs in the morning, to the ducks and their babies

that cascade around waters, to the geese whom we’ll never bother, soft sand,

the mountain side view, to the pine tree that stands alone.

On everything that makes up the wonderful lake.

A blessing to the lake

that’s still and calming, a beautiful site that ties everything together,

to the soothing sound it makes when it slightly crashes against the sand.

Peace to you wonderful lake;

To the beauty that lies around you.

By: Desirae Akers

Hush Hush now,

Things are ok.

The wispers from an angel.

Don’t scream out anymore for it was all just a dream.

Your broken road you walked on has blown away.

Your on a new path, closer and closer to your amazing grace.

That lifts you up and brings you new air to breathe.

 To have good dreams.

You still remember what it was like.

To be unwanted and alone; left there to cry.

Now you don’t have to wonder what it’s like.

He makes you feel wanted again.

Loves you more than you would ever imagine possible.

It’s real, your not alone.

He’s your amazing grace you were waiting on.

You was once a seed that wouldn’t grow,

but with your new light you are now

a giant sunflower, strong and full of every ounce of life.

Your grown up now.

Better now, with him in your life.

You used to love your mother once apon a time.

Before she got up one day and left you behind.

You used to love her smile

her hugs and kisses

The way she held your hand when you had those late night conversations.

You loved the way her perfume smelt before she went some place.

Her beautiful laugh that filled the air.

She always made you happy, never then, made you cry.

None of those memories lasted long enough.

You seen her change before your eyes,

Not fun anymore; no laughter, just cries.

You seen her die everyday.

You always wondered why she changed.

You remember her ice cold hands, that made you shiver in fear.

Her actions were so queer.

She escaped from everything, and left you behind.

You always felt unloved and unwanted in her beautiful brown eyes.

In time you began to overlook the pain, the beating, and the lies.

You only wondered why she didn’t love you enough to stay by your side, to be the one you count on most in life.

You wish you’d remember all the good times instead of a chilling bad memory.

You try to get rid of it, but it refuses to leave you alone.

Now your older and it seems:

You are losing the image of her porcelain face.

The sound of her laughter just keeps fading away.

You miss her warm touch in every kiss, every hug.

You only keep thinking,

It’s better she’s gone, she would have ruined your life.

It’s better you say, always better with her away.

                                                                                                                     -Desirae Akers